Travelling Madness

The day of departure finally arrived and, as usual, it did not go perfectly according to plan. We had the idea that we were more prepared than ever and had so few belongings that we would simply throw our things into a few boxes then into the van, gather the cats and be on the road at 2 -3 a.m.

Packing our stuff turned out to be more difficult than expected as we had way more stuff than we realized as is usually the case when anyone moves. Melanie finished up packing (we were already behind schedule) and I started loading the van. I thought I was brillant in my loading packing everything from back to front very neatly and orderly. The van was stuffed. I left a space just large enough for the two cat carriers on the floor behind the driver’s seat. It looked great and it sounds great as well right?

Well the first thing Melanie said (thank God she is part of this team or we’d be screwed) is:
“Aren’t all the boxes going to fall right on the cats as soon as you hit the brakes?”
I was stupified. I instantly had a great idea for re-organization and popped the hatchback to stuff some boxes into the back and wedge everything in tight so it would solve the question posed. Now let me breifly state that I had not slept in a long long time. To continue, Melanie had several boxes with papers, books, magazines she had neatly organized and needed to have on hand for her writing projects, so I had packed them in last right beside the open side door. The tops of the boxes were not sealed at all... In my pushing and shoving of all the boxes ( mind you it was already about 3 a.m.) I managed to shove one of her boxes out into the parking lot and it exploded her neatly organized things everywhere into the wind. After gathering her stuff into a Chris-like pile now and back in to the box she was having to breathe very deeply and say (to herself I think) “everything is ok” repeatedly.

After quickly regaining our composure she suggested getting something like bungee cords to secure the boxes. We made a run to Long’s drug store for bungee cords which they did not have in stock. I purchased a long rope telling her I would tie a spiderweb with the rope and it would all be fine and we probably didn’t need to secure it more anyway. On the way back home I hit the brakes at a stop light and all the boxes came tumbling foward in a big heap right where the cats would have been...

After repositioning the boxes I attempted to tie my spiderweb which of course turned out to be completely lame as there was nothing to tie the rope to. It was almost 5 a.m. now and if Melanie owned a tazer I’m positive she would have used it on me at this point. She asked very nicely if she could try for a second to redo the box packing so that the cats would sit on top of the boxes instead of in front of them, plus it would be more structurally sound. I ripped all the rope out in a huff and went inside to gather the cats. It maybe took her 5 minutes to have the perfect setup with our comforter on top of the boxes where the cat carriers would sit about shoulder level (and nothing could smash them). We unfortunately forgot to put wee wee pads underneath them...
The cats were yowling as we finally got on the road around 5:30 a.m. Melanie took the first driving shift as she had slept some and I was complete mental mush. To make matters worse we were supposed to meet her friend in L.A. for breakfast which was never going to happen now. We took the 1 to the 152 so we could catch the 5 south. By the time we made it to the 152 traffic was already heating up.

Here’s the scoop at this point:
1. We’re both exhausted
2. There are about 5 pickup trucks and cars tailgaiting us trying to pass us on that winding hellish road 152
3. Both cats are screaming their heads off and Ella decides to take a gigantic dump and pee in her carrier.
4. The van fills with the lovely smell of cat urine and turds.
5. Did I mention that the cats were screaming?
6. Our nice down comforter is now soaked with cat urine.

While she’s driving I reach in to Ella’s carrier and hold her in as I try to scoop her massive bm out with the measly one napkin I could find. Of course the napkin slipped and I scooped most of it out “Craig” style (bare-handed). I had the pleasure of hold the steaming hot gift in my hand for a good 20 minutes until we made it to place to pull over where I could huck it. I scraped the poop residue off my hand with a leaf (didnt have any water), and we sat shell-shocked in the van for a few minutes laughing hysterically (we were completely insane at this point). So..... we hopped right back on the road and drove for a few more hours. The cats actually ended up quieting down a little and we stopped a couple of hours short of L.A. at about 8 - 9 a.m. at a small town with a Best Western.
The rest of the trip went relatively smooth and the cats in the end were sleeping in the passenger’s lap or at our feet. Monkey was surprisingly way less traumatized than Ella and we made it to Oklahoma in 3 days at about midnight.

By the way, the picture is Ella comfortable in her new home.

Til next time,

Chris